I wrote the title of this blog thinking of the fact that I've never 'blogged' before. However, that statement is so true for many things that have happened in the past 4 months. I think I would kick butt in that game "I never" now. :)
I still really haven't decided if I want to share this with everyone. To me, what I've been going through has been so private, so emotional and so difficult that the thought of sharing my vulnerabilities with everyone is just something I'm not strong enough to do just yet. But, on the other hand, I know that there are so many of you that are going or have gone through what I'm going through that just knowing you are not alone is helpful.
That being said, I know I'm not alone. I have a wonderful support system and I cannot say enough how much they mean to me. There were a few that I thought I would lean on and didn't, some old friends that became so near and dear to me that I would be lost without them, and a few special people I've welcomed into my life that have helped make me as happy as I am now.
I am happy now. Some days are better than others, but I am hopeful for the future. I am excited about what life has in store for me and I can only wish the same for my counterpart. That's all I'm going to say in specific about that...some things just have to be kept inside. But know that I feel everyday a million emotions that I could never fully capture and depending on what random thought crosses my mind depends on what I'm feeling at that moment. And that's okay...I've learned that you need to let yourself feel these things...it's important to feel what you feel. Don't try to hide that or suffocate it because they are valid and at the end of the day all you have is you...more than anyone else. Don't ignore the most important person in your life...that little voice inside you. I didn't even know I did that for so long and now that I'm starting to listen I'm finding much more strength in me than I ever thought I would have. It's scary, exciting and empowering. I am thankful everyday for the lessons I've learned and am eager to continue.
So there, just a few thoughts that you may/may not care to read but for those of you who care about me and know a little about what has happened the past few months...this should give you a little more insight. I'm okay. I will be okay...and I will get through this. I love you all.
